The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize