matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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