My cat gives me a boner
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
