i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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