i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
