I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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