walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
