i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
