pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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