Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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