Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I understand Curling. That high.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
