I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
