JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
