I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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