Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
