Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
