Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
