how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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