You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
