apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
