then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
