he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
