awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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