i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
