I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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