thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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