She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
