And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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