I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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