I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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