I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
