Tell her she can't have a vagina
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
