Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
