I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
