You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
