nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
