I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
