My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize