My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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