ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
