How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
