My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
