I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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