if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
