I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize