I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
