i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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