Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize