I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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