he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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