My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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