So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
