you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
