yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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