No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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