he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize