Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
