did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
