Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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