bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
