I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
