i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
