She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
