But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Drake has all the answers
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
