so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
