My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
