come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
