I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
