someone owes me an orgasm
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
