Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
