so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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