and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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